Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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