If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
