dude i'm inner monologue high
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
