I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
