I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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