found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
