Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
