it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
