I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Please don't give away my fajitas
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
