just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i think my cat just said my name.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
