In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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