Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
