he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
