He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
