she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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