I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
