Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
