please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
