I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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