Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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