hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
