the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
