apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
