I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
