dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
