i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
