I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
