I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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