Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I looked at my own cervix.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
