Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
