I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
