Someone shit on the floor
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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