I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
