I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
