Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
