Sponge bath it is.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
