dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
