You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
