I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
