Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
