you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
