Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
