Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
