How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
