Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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