I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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