Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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