oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
