is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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