i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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