a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize