I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
