no, he came in my armpit
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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