what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
