You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I need to calm my uterus...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
